If youâve ever seen Office Space, you can probably appreciate the humor in the way that some corporations choose to communicate. Because Vat19 is a TPS-Report Free Workplace, we had to wonder â Do corporations really talk like that? It took us all of ten minutes to get an answer â YES. Below, enjoy a few of the standouts:
-Data Management Group offers ERP consulting services. In case you donât know, ERP stands for Enterprise Resource Planning. In short, itâs a set of really expensive hardware and software that makes sure that all your corporate departments are able to work together in one system, technologically speaking.
The goal itself is sensible. Their text, on the other handâ¦
âThis includes our planning and strategic guidance, continual knowledge transfer and enterprise resource planning solution planning.â
ââ¦all to facilitate the synergy and continuity that your project requires.â
-Interactive Business Systems - This one is guilty of knowledge transfer and core competency dropping, not to mention bad stock photo usage. And why hasnât anyone pointed out that they use the same acronym as Irritable Bowel Syndrome?
-Doublestar Press Release - This one makes us laugh. Donât they know that nobody outside of crazy Corporation-Land talks like this? A few gems:
âVelaris encompasses DoubleStar's core competencies in BI consulting honed over 15 years and hundreds of engagements with top-tier commercial, government and institutional clients.â
âVelaris is based on a Center of Excellence delivery model. A Center of Excellence is an accepted body of knowledge on a particular subject area and a resource for the highest standards and current best practices in subject-area-related activities.â
âKnowledge transfer so clients have the option to create an internal BI Competency Center (BICC), and thereby have resources resident within their organization for quick information access and decision-making agility.â
And of course, a laundry list of a few more terms we hate:
Core Competency
Touch Base
Action Item
Bring to the Table
Integrated Solution
Paradigm Shift
Proactive
Synergy
Team Player
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