If you're the stereotypical urban hipster or Abercrombie and Fitch-wearing, live in the suburbs and work in the city kind of guy, heading out to a rural dive bar can be a recipe for disaster. All the same, you might someday find yourself in need of a drink in an unfamiliar country setting, so you should be prepared. Having worked in a small-town bar, I can say with some authority that these tips will help.
Photo Credit: Ardvaark
1. If you pop your collar, you will almost definitely get punched. Unless you're wearing a black leather jacket and riding a Harley (remember that Japanese bikes don't count), there's no excuse. The motorcycle guys don't have an excuse, either, but they're usually scary enough that it doesn't matter.
2. Avoid eye contact with any man who appears to be wearing steel-toed construction boots.
Photo Credit: Sin_Agua
3. Ditto for guys wearing real spurs.
4. If a confident woman attempts to flirt with you, you may very well be screwed. You can either welcome the advances and accept the risk that she may be "spoken for" by a large drunk dude named "Butch", or you can resist her advances and risk offending the same guy with the implication that his woman isn't good enough for you.
5. Do not request a drink with more than 2 ingredients. If your drink has more than one ingredient, at least one of them should be whiskey, just to be on the safe side.
6. Do not play rap on the juke box. Although many modern juke boxes offer a wide variety of selections for download, your choices should be limited to 70s rock (think Skynryd, The Allman Brothers, Bachman-Turner Overdrive, and ZZ Top) and country music (you can't go wrong with the really old stuff). If you choose to ignore this warning and load the machine up with the latest top 40 selections, you'll be lucky if all they do is unplug the machine and clear your selections.
7. Beer. This should be a simple task, but as a newcomer, you're being judged on what information they have at the time. If you're drinking a Miller Lite in a Budweiser town, you're starting things off on the wrong foot. See what's most popular and go with the flow.
8. And speaking of beer...If you're having problems mixing, a round of beers for everyone can definitely smooth things out. Remember, this isn't the city and beers don't cost $12. You'll probably spend less buying a round for the whole bar than you'd spend buying a round for a single table at some trendy club.
9. If you value your cell phone or PDA, leave the bar to use it. And take a friend, because you never know what's lurking outside.
10. Should you find yourself in trouble, take a cue from Pee-Wee Herman's infamous Tequila scene. Hey, it could work...
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