I'm sure we've all had a coach that was a nightmare to look at, whether it was the clothes, body type, accessories, equipment, or hair. Behold these examples of unfashionable coaching.
Classic, tight coaches shorts
What tacky coach hasn't sported a pair of these tight (not as in "awesome") shorts? These are the coach equivalent to cheerleaders and their Soffe shorts. Since they are available in pretty much every color of the rainbow, Coach McTightshorts can have a pair no matter what his team colors. How can players concentrate when faced with all of the bulges that result from wearing something so tight and unforgiving? He might as well say, "OK, team, huddle up. As you can see, I hang to the left. Now let's get out there and win this game."
Lanyards and whistles
No one cares for the sound of a whistle, especially when it is coming from a coach who is blowing angrily at you. I had a soccer coach who was overweight and he'd blow the whistle so hard you'd think one of those blows would be the last exhale to escape from the strained lungs inside of his obese body. Be a man, lose the whistle, and use your authoritative voice. Unless you want to be the traffic cop of the field, stop using a whistle.
Tall socks
Unless you are actually playing the sport, you shouldn't wear tall athletic socks. It looks like you are stuck in the 70's and will give you a terrible farmer's tan. On a previous post about butt cleavage, I received an unhappy comment about using the term "plumber's crack". Before anyone leaves a hate comment about the usage of "farmer's tan", I would just like to state that that is what it is called. No disrespect to farmers. If there is some other politically correct term for it out there, feel free to leave a comment and let me know.
Sunglasses with colorful reflective lenses
How hoosier are these sunglasses? The wearer of these should have cut-off jean shorts, a mustache, and a Yosemite Sam tattoo. There are plenty of athletic sunglasses out there to choose from, so why choose these uglies? Maybe some coaches don't like it when people can see their eyes. That way they can watch the cheerleaders instead of keeping their eyes on the game and no one would be able to notice. Gross.
Wearing the team uniform if you are fat and out of shape
Let's be real. Who wants to take athletic advice from a fat guy? They can talk stats, strategy, history, or whatever as much as they want, but the second they start talking about anything revolving around health and gaining athletic ability I would stop listening. Sorry Lou, that uniform isn't doing anything for you. Pass that on to your colleague Charlie Manuel from the Phillies. Looks like pinstripes aren't as slimming as they say.
Farmer's tan = Gradient tan