It seems so simple: buy ticket, sit down, watch movie. Wrong, wrong, wrong. There are many things that can ruin a trip to the movie theater.
Let me begin my list of movie theater grievances with a true story.
When Jarhead came out, I saw it on a megascreen and it was packed. It wasn't possible to leave an empty seat between the people you weren't with. So, some guy was sitting to my left and my boyfriend was to my right. During a silent part of the action movie, he slurps on his empty soda and begins choking because he's attempting to suck up nothing. How can he not know the liquid level? If you are sucking and you aren't getting anything, why would you continue to suck harder? Why would you wait until one of the few quiet parts in a movie full of loud explosions to do this? Serves him right. I tried like hell to hold in my laughter, but couldn't take it anymore. So I'm sitting there laughing at a choking man during a war movie. It became one of those situations where the more you try to stop laughing the more you laugh. Then my boyfriend starts to laugh because he also heard all of this. I'm sure everyone around hated us, but in all fairness, it wasn't our fault.
What is the lesson? Do not attempt to suck up anything through a straw if there isn't any liquid left in the cup. You will probably choke and make yourself look like an idiot. Follow this rule no matter where you are.
10 other things that are annoying at the movie theater:
1. Loud snackers - Stop trying to quietly open your Twizzlers by doing it slowly. You are only making your noise last longer. Give it one quick pull open and be done with it.
2. Cell phone users - This one is obvious, but without fail there is always that one rude person who leaves their phone on. Get over yourself. The world can handle not talking to you for 90 minutes.
3. Kickers - Do not kick the back of my chair. There is no reason for your feet to be out of control while sitting in a movie.
4. Armrest bandits - Don't try to steal my armrest if I was using it first. Finders keepers. And no, we cannot share it. I'm not into rubbing elbows with strangers.
5. Tool with flashlight - Yes, it is in your job description to walk into the movie theater with your flashlight to check up on all of us. I don't care, you're still a tool.
6. Large groups - What is the point of going to a movie in a large group? A movie is not a social activity. Go find yourself a nice booth at Fridays and stop taking up an entire row of the theater.
7. Singers of the theater theme song - No one is impressed that you know the words to the movie theater jingle. You are proving to everyone that you are really lame and need attention.
8. Feet near my head - Do not sit directly behind me if you plan on putting your feet up on the chair. I do not want your feet/shoes practically on top of my head. That's gross.
9. Space invaders - Unless the theater is extremely crowded and there are no other seating options, do no sit directly in front of me, directly behind me, or right next to me. There is no reason for us to be sitting so closely.
10. Seat savers - "Sorry, I'm saving these seats. Yes, all 8 of them." What is this, lunchtime in junior high? Revert back to #6.
Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/juan23/
Beth - I hate those armrest bandits too. And I avoid sitting near the rear because of the teenagers who think it's ok to use your chair as a footrest.