I freely admit that I am quite the hypochondriac, and I have an overdeveloped fear of germs. Therefore, I hate this time of year - the dreaded cold and flu season. I wash my hands like a madwoman and do the best I can to avoid the many around me who are dropping like flies with sore throats, fevers, runny noses, and, uh, gastrointestinal issues. But my efforts failed me this season, and I caught what was pretty much a month-long cold. In the midst of my sneezing and coughing episodes, I searched online for a natural cure, finding everything from the usual - chicken soup, herbal tea, vitamin C - to the bizarre, as you'll see below.
You want me to do WHAT, now?
1. To ease a sore throat, suck on a salted kumquat. OK, I've never had a kumquat, but Wikipedia tells me that it tastes like very acidic orange. Wikipedia also tells me that salted kumquats can last several years. I don't even want to think what a 10-year-old salted kumquat tastes like, and I certainly don't want to suck on one.
2. To ease a sore throat and reduce phlegm, consume a mixture of one spoonful each of honey (fine), lemon essence (fine), and ketchup (WHAT?!).
3. Try a mustard plaster. Mix 1 tablespoon of dry mustard and 2-4 tablespoons of flour with an egg white and warm water to form a paste. Make a mustard plaster sandwich by spreading the paste onto a handkerchief and placing another handkerchief on top. Then dab the upper chest with olive oil and place the mustard plaster sandwich on top. Now, this sure seems like a lot of work for the 5 minutes you keep it on. Why only 5 minutes? Because it can burn if left on too long. Nice.
4. For body aches, rub chest and joints with paraffin and cover with greased baking paper. The website that listed this old Polish remedy says it's not recommended. Golly gee, I wonder why.
5. For a sore throat, put a sweaty sock around your neck. Um, no.
Click over to the next page to discover less bizarre-sounding flu remedies...
Now these remedies, I may actually try next time...
1. Apple cider vinegar. Apparently this stuff cures anything, including flu. Mix 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with 2 tablespoons of honey in a cup of hot water. Drink as fast as you can because it probably won't taste that good. Although it probably tastes better than a salted kumquat.
2. Put a few drops of hydrogen peroxide in the ears. I used to do this as a kid whenever I had swimmer's ear, and it always worked, but I've never tried it for a cold or the flu. Worth a shot, I suppose.
3. Tomato Tea. This recipe was posted on a website about 6 years ago, and since then people have raved about its effectiveness for curing the flu. The author, Jean Woolhiser, recently updated the recipe: Mix 2 cups of V8 juice, 2-3 cloves of fresh crushed garlic (more if you can stand it), 2 tablespoons lemon juice, and hot sauce (the more, the better). Heat. Then sip slowly, inhaling the fumes and then letting the tea sit in the back of your throat so your sinuses and lungs can fully absorb the flu-curing goodness.
4. Or try this "tea". A lot of items I read touted the individual benefits of ginger, garlic, cayenne pepper, lemon, and honey. This recipe combines all five. Grate a 1/2" of fresh ginger and mix with 1-2 cloves of garlic, 1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper, the juice of half a lemon, and honey "to taste". Pour 1 cup of boiling water over the ingredients and let stand for 20 minutes or until its cool enough to drink. Chug, don't sip.
5. Or, you can have a hot toddy. Usually made with hot water or tea, lemon juice, sugar or honey, and rum, brandy, or whiskey, a hot toddy actually has very few proven curative benefits. But the fact that it makes you nice, warm, and woozy certainly doesn't hurt. Just don't go overboard - the American Lung Association warns that drinking alcohol while sick can lead to dehydration, which can prolong your sickness, and I know none of us wants that.
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