February 2009 Archives

As times change, catch phrases, slang, advice, and proverbs (to name just a few things!) are bound to also change.

I recently came across 65 Modern Proverbs by Nikki Farquharson. This book, which I don't think is for sale, is a collection of proverbs that have been modified to fit today's world. For example, the old Friedrich Nietzsche quote "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" had been updated to "That which does not kill us scars us for life". And isn't that the truth? I don't know exactly what meaning she intended (or if I should even think about it so much!), but I can see it in two different ways. Sometimes something happens that totally weakens you and in no way strengthens you. That experience, as they say, has scarred you for life. In another way, it seems like every time someone does something bad, they fall back on a terrible experience they had in their past as an excuse for being a total jackass today.

Another proverb listed in the book that I like is "A C-lister of all trades is an A-lister of none". True that. Would you rather be reallly really awesome at one thing or just OK at a bunch of stuff?

You can see a few more at Nikki's website. So far, I haven't seen a place where you can read all 65 proverbs. There are also phrases that you can read from her project that inspired 65 Modern Proverbs. One last thing you should check out: this poster created out of coded text. It's awesomely detailed. Could you imagine if someone tried to "write" that on an Etch-A-Sketch!?

My college roommate once caught a large, disgusting-looking bug, sealed it up a plastic bag, and placed it in our freezer. She planned to bring it to the Insects & Disease class she was in. She did not inform me of this friend in our freezer, and when I opened the freezer door with dreams of gorging myself on Chunky Monkey, I came face-to-face with this hideous bug. I lost my appetite.

People keep lots of weird things in their fridges and freezers for lots of weird reasons. But some of these non-food items might actually be better off in the cool confines of your icebox. Here's a top 10 list of everyday non-food items that just may benefit from chilling out in your fridge...

1. Film
This is more for the pros. For long-term storage of professional film, Kodak states that refrigeration is the best way to maintain the optimum quality of the film. For the rest of us who use film for general, everyday purposes, it just needs to be kept at room temperature and away from extreme heat to prevent damage. You can keep it in the fridge, but doing so will not necessarily extend the life of the film past the expiration date printed on it.

2. Nail polish
In my "research", I've found there is a great debate about whether nail polish actually keeps better in the fridge. Some say it makes no difference and that it is completely ridiculous. Others swear by it, saying it keeps the polish from clumping and keeps the color from fading. Whatever you decide to do, the main rule of thumb on storing nail polish is to keep it tightly closed and away from direct heat or sunlight, as this will remove moisture and cause it to dry out.

3. Your broken hard drive
It's a harrowing experience - your hard drive dies before you've had a chance to back up all your important files. Cuckoo solution? Pop it in the freezer! There are 100s of accounts of this unusual method actually reviving hard drives, at least for a short time. Seal the dead hard drive in a plastic bag, place it in the freezer for a few hours, then remove it and boot it up with your computer. Work fast to copy your files, as this seems to be only a temporary fix and your hard drive will most likely die again. If you aren't able to copy everything in time, you can always try freezing it again. The theory is - and I'm speaking in 3rd grade terms here because I am NO computer genius - the parts in the hard drive have stretched or become stuck, and the hope is that the cold temperatures will allow them to contract and free themselves to start working again. Or something like that.

4. Aloe plant
My aunt always used to keep a big ol' chunk of aloe plant in the fridge for whenever someone suffered a burn, whether it be from the sun or from pulling something out of the oven. But aloe plant, with its cool gelatinous insides, has been used for centuries to help with skin ailments beyond burns, such as psoriasis. Just be sure to avoid the yellow-ish part right beneath the skin, as it could be irritating. Also, you only need to keep the aloe leaves in the fridge should you cut a a piece from the whole plant. Wrap the exposed end in plastic wrap or foil before placing it in the fridge.

5. Crickets
Back when my brother still had his pet gecko, before it suffered a bizarre and frightening death that I won't get into here, we used to keep a bag of crickets in the fridge. I know, weird and creepy. But keeping crickets in the fridge slows down their hyperactive hopping and makes it a heck of a lot easier to pour them into a lizard cage. Alas, there was always the one who managed to get away and find its way into my bed. As far as I know, though, they never got loose in the fridge.

A few months ago, I wrote about some products that take out any physical effort that might be required to consume food. Sure, some of the products are just for kids to have fun with, but I can't help but think that lazy, fat people just love 'em. All of the products in this latest batch are definitely made with lazy people in mind.

Precut Brownie Pan Set

I think there is a difference between convenience and utter laziness. If you can't run a knife up and down a pan of brownies a few times, you've got problems.

Musical Cake Slicer

Maybe your excuse for having this singing cake slicer is because you can't sing very well or you thought it was just oh-so-clever. Or, maybe it is because you are too lazy to actually sing a song to someone.

I was bumming around the Internet last week when I ran across this:

That's an axolotl. What, you've never heard of an axolotl? (And if you have, I commend you.) They hail from Mexico, and although they are commonly kept as pets, axolotls are actually near extinction in their natural habitat. Cute, isn't he?

But the axolotl made me wonder, what other crazy species are out there that we've never heard of, much less seen? Nature is one big, curious place, after all. Here are a few of those bizarre animals that you may have never known existed, and I'm pretty darn sure you'll never encounter in real life...

The Star-Nosed Mole

You can find this fun guy in eastern Canada and the north-eastern US. His nose is made up of 22 mobile, fleshy tentacles that are used to identify food by touch. These tentacles are covered with about 25,000 minute touch receptors called Eimer's organs. That's a lot of touch receptors.

The Blobfish

When I first saw this, I thought it was a fake photo. I mean, really? But the blobfish does in fact exist. It inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. Its gelatinous build is only slightly less dense than water, so it can remain buoyant in the high pressures of the deep. It reminds me of Jabba the Hut.

While at a trivia night, one of the questions was "Who is on the $500 bill". I didn't know the answer (if you don't know either, keep reading to find out who is on each bill) seeing how I've never possessed a $500 bill and denominations that large are pretty rare.

Who can afford $500, $1,000, $5,000, $10,000, and $100,000 bills? What if you lost it or it was destroyed somehow? What business can handle making change from a $500 bill or larger?

Large denomination bills ($500 and larger) were meant for transactions between banks and were not necessarily intended for circulation. Obviously, back in the day they couldn't electronically transfer funds like we can now. These big bills were last printed in 1945 and the Federal Bank Reserve stopped distributing them in 1969. However, these bills are still legal tender.

The $100,000 bill (or more appropriately called a bank transfer note) was only made from December 18, 1934 to January 9, 1935. They were only for transactions between Federal Reserve Banks and were not circulated to the general public. According to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, all 42,000 of the $100,000 bills that were printed have been accounted for. They are mostly in museums or collections. To make a long story short, any $100,000 that you might find is a fake.

Now it's time for a little trivia. Who is on the:

1.) $1 bill?
2.) $2 bill?
3.) $5 bill?
4.) $10 bill?
5.) $20 bill?
6.) $50 bill?
7.) $100 bill?
8.) $500 bill?
9.) $1,000 bill?
10.) $5,000 bill?
11.) $10,000 bill?
12.) $100,000 bill?

Continue reading to see the answers.

I think almost anyone can agree that cigarette butts are kind of gross, especially when you find them lying around at places like the playground, where any curious little kid can pick them up and, if they're very curious, put them in their mouth. Perhaps even more disturbing than this, however, is that, according to Butts Out, about 4.3 trillion of these butts are tossed per year, and they only begin to break down after lying around for 12 years. 12 years! Now, there are people like me, who simply complain about these things, and then there are people who actually do something about them. These insanely inventive people take our yucky trash and manage to turn it into something useful ... or at least something much more interesting than what they originally started out with. Let's begin with those crummy cigarette butts, shall we?

1) Recycled Cigarette Butts as Clothing

Yes, that vest is made out of cigarette butts. Well, partially. This design is the work of Chilean designer Alexandra Guerrero, who, through the Mantis Project, has found a way to purify cigarette filters so that they can be mixed with natural wool and woven into cute, rustic-looking garments such as the one above. The vests, ponchos, dresses, and hats in this collection contain 20% recycled cigarette filter material. Pretty awesome, no?

2) Recycled Cigarette Butts as Artwork

This little guy is the work of artist Tom Deininger, and is made of unraveled cigarette filters. He's cute, for sure, but unfortunately he also completely reeks of tobacco. Bummer.

It's pretty insane how much spam I get each day. Most of them are for Viagra and other pills, but I also get a lot for watches. Well, at least if I trust the subject lines they are about watches. I think email spam is incredibly annoying and I loathe the "people" that send it. But, I'm not going to go into a long rant about how much I hate email spam because it isn't anything new and I think we can all agree that it sucks.

Recently, I'm receiving Viagra spam emails with interesting subject lines. There's probably a decent chance that you have received some of these same emails. It's like some giddy, horny 13-year-old on his way to becoming a full grown pervert is coming up with these subject lines. Here are some of the most creative subject lines from Viagra spam emails. These are all from emails I have actually received, word for word.

11. "Get armed with a huge love cannon"
10. "Like a pocket elephant in your pants"
9. "Raid her vault tonight"
8. "So big my underwear is too tight"
7. "Drive crazy any chick with your mega super stick"
6. "Now you can change the women like you change socks"
5. "You will always have noontime in your pants"
4. "You can wear your swimming trunks like a crown"
3. "Your member will be so strong you will be able to break the wall with it"
2. "She will want you right in the public bathroom on your date"
1. And quite possibly the weirdest one ever - "With your big horse you can insert him even into the Statue of Liberty"

Driving is one of those things, I think, that people take for granted. It's as though once you pass the written and driving tests at age 16, you're good to go and you never really have to worry about all those rules you learned as long as you get to your destination safely. I know this is not true of all drivers, but it seems many of us out there on the roads aren't entirely sure what we're doing. In fact, a 2008 poll by GMAC concluded that 1 in 6 US drivers (that's 33 million) would fail the written driving test if they took it today. Scary stuff!

With this stat in mind, I pulled out a copy of our new Rules of the Road DVD Set and checked out the quizzes that come with it. Would you pass the written driving test if you took it today? Answer the questions below and then click over to the next page to find out!

1. When traveling on a two-lane road in normal conditions, you should maintain a following distance of at least:
a. One second
b. Three seconds
c. Five seconds
d. Seven seconds

2. While one car signals to enter an expressway, another car signals to exit using the same weave lane. Which car has the right-of-way?
a. The car exiting the expressway.
b. The car entering the expressway.
c. The first car to reach the merge point.
d. Neither car has the right of way.

3. When approaching an uncontrolled railroad crossing, the speed limit is:
a. 10 miles per hour
b. 15 miles per hour
c. 20 miles per hour
d. 25 miles per hour

4. If two vehicles come to a stop at a T-intersection simultaneously, who has the right-of-way?
a. The vehicle on the right
b. The vehicle on the left
c. The vehicle on the through road
d. The larger of the two vehicles

5. It is illegal to drive a car in a bicycle lane:
a. For more than 200 feet
b. Without activating your hazard lights beforehand
c. At all times
d. It is never illegal to drive a car in a bicycle lane

6. When traveling on a high-speed expressway in normal conditions, you should maintain a following distance of at least:
a. Two seconds
b. Four seconds
c. Six seconds
d. Eight seconds

7. What's an appropriate way to respond to a traffic sign with a green light that turns to yellow?
a. Increase your speed to make it through the intersection before the light becomes red
b. Stop before the intersection if you can do so safely
c. Proceed through the intersection cautiously before the light turns red, only if you can't stop safely
d. Both b and c

8. You should increase your following distance under all of the following circumstances, except:
a. When the roads are wet from rain or snow
b. When being followed too closely by trailing cars
c. When traveling behind large trucks
d. When traveling on rural roads

9. If a curb is painted yellow, it designates an area:
a. Used for the loading and unloading of passengers or for mail deliveries by the post office
b. Used for passenger and freight loading
c. Where parking is limited to a certain amount of time
d. Where parking is prohibited, unless you're driving a bus

10. Unless otherwise posted, what is the speed limit in a school zone in most states?
a. 10 miles per hour
b. 15 miles per hour
c. 25 miles per hour
d. 35 miles per hour

Click over to the next page to check your answers!