March 2009 Archives

If you are bored while you are online, there are countless ways to spend your unimportant time. You could play games for free, read blogs, go shopping, or update your Twitter/Facebook/MySpace page every minute. Been there, done that. Here's something pretty cool (and free!) that should keep you entertained for at least a few minutes.

Each letter key on your keyboard makes a different "drum" sound. Some of the letters (such as Q) make a normal sound that you'd hear from a typical drum set. However, some of the letters (B, for example) make a totally unexpected sound. The N key sounds like it could've been in "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block.

There's not really a lot for me to say about it other than it's entertaining, colorful, and clever. I guarantee if you turn the sound up on your computer and hit some of the letter keys (try the V key) it'll grab your co-worker's attention.

Got more time to kill? Check out some of the other cool things on this same site, such as a video for TV on the Radio's "Wolf Like Me".

Have you ever said the word "eyeball"? Told someone they had a "heart of gold"? Had "too much of a good thing"? If so, take a moment of silence and pay your respects to Mr. William Shakespeare, as without him, these words and phrases would not be in the English language.

OK, that's probably an overstatement, as I'm sure someone else would have eventually thought of "eyeball". But in truth, The Bard is credited with making popular, if not coining, over 1500 words and phrases that are common in today's English language. So even if you hated studying Shakespeare in high school, you've got to give the guy credit for giving us some of the coolest and most common words we use today.

• Aerial

• Bandit

• Bedazzled

• Dawn

• Disgraceful

• Droplet

• Fashionable

• Gloomy

• Glow

• Gnarled

• Gossip (as a verb)

• Hurry (as a verb)

• Lackluster

• Mimic

• Moonbeam

• Obsequiously

• Perplex

• Puke

• Radiance

• Rant

• Scuffle (as a noun)

• Shooting star

• Tranquil

• Watchdog

• Zany

It's a running joke with my friends - I am the most likely to be grossed out by foreign things in my food, so inevitably I am always the one to find them. Fortunately, the worst things I've come across are bugs and hair, but that's enough to make me lose my appetite and greatly lessen my faith in the good hygiene of my fellow Americans. Now, if I ever found any of the following nasty things in my food, I would do one of three things, if not all in succession: scream, throw up, and scour my mouth for hours with a toothbrush and Listerine.

Here's hoping we never find things this gross in our good ol' American fast food...

5. Would you like fries with your Band-Aid?
In 2005, a student at the University of Illinois purchased a bag of French fries from the McDonalds in the Illini Union Food Court only to discover a used bandage buried within them. I said a used bandage. She complained and they prepared her a fresh meal, this time putting on gloves. Would've been nice if they had done that the first time.

4. $5 buys you a sub...and a knife!
In 2008 a Queens man went to Subway and purchased a foot-long cold cut sub. After a few bites, he noticed something tasted strange. He felt something hard on the bottom of the bread, so he turned it over and saw a 7-inch knife baked inside the bread. The sharp edge of the knife was facing upward and extended up into the sandwich, so he could have easily bitten down on it had he continued eating. The knife was apparently completely filthy, and the man became violently ill, most likely from food poisoning...and complete disgust.

3. Love those mice from Popeyes
In 2003, a Baltimore man munching on his three-piece chicken meal from Popeyes bit down on something furry. A mouse. Somehow, the rodent had been battered and fried along with one of his pieces of chicken. That particular restaurant had been shut down twice in the past two years for mouse infestation and unsanitary conditions, though, so I guess he shouldn't have been that surprised. I kid, I kid!

2. It's important to practice safe clam chowder preparation
A California woman dining at seafood restaurant McCormick & Schmick's was dissatisfied with her clam chowder, so she sent it back to the kitchen to be reheated. When it was returned, she took a bite and bit down on something rubbery. Thinking it was calamari or shrimp, she spit it into her napkin only to discover that it was a rolled-up condom. She immediately fled to the bathroom and threw up. She then sued them citing emotional distress. The case was settled the day before going to trial.

1. It's probably a delicacy in some countries
I'm pretty sure everyone has heard this one. A woman in Virginia sat down to a fried chicken dinner with her family and amongst the wings came upon a fried chicken head. We're talking the whole head - eyes, beak, little wobbly thing on top, and a few feathers. The manager at the McDonalds offered a free meal - which she rightly refused - and asked that she bring the chicken head back so they could send it to the supplier. Instead, she took it to the local news so it could be televised for all the world to see (photo above).

Bonus! This is not fast-food related, but it is the inspiration for this blog post. Recently an Atlanta woman snacking on her peanut M&Ms encountered one with a particularly hard center. She spit it out and found what a local biology professor has identified as a vertebra from a small mammal. When she called Mars, the candy manufacturer, they told her it was probably a peanut twig, but they are investigating. Goodtimes!

High heels sure have come a long way from when they were worn simply to prevent a horse rider's foot from slipping through the stirrups. Yep, high heels (shoes with raised heels...not stilettos) date all the way back to the 1500s. Eventually, shoes with high heels and pointed toes became a status symbol and more about fashion than practicality.

Clearly, these high heels are not exactly practical. Some are ridiculous, some are weird, some are absurd. All of them are unique.

Figurine High Heels

While these Christian Dior high heels don't look terribly uncomfortable, a figurine as the heel is pretty weird. It's unique, but I think it leans towards weird unique instead of cool unique. Too artsy.

Lamborghini High Heels

These Lamborghini high heels are just a concept product. The design by Tim Cooper is pretty neat, but I can't see anyone actually wearing these unless you are a model working a Lamborghini event. They remind me of those beds for little kids that are shaped like race cars. Except those beds weren't made of carbon fiber!

Brass Knuckle High Heels

I'm not sure who these crazy high heels were made for. A stripper that is about to beat the hell out of you? The metal plating on the outside is probably appealing to truckers.

When I was young, I was sure that I would name my future daughters Denim and Lace. Fifteen years later, I shudder at the thought of doing that to my children. Your child's name is not only a huge part of his or her identity; It also says a heck of a lot about you as the parent. If today I actually had daughters named Denim and Lace, people would probably think I'm: A) an extremely young mother (like, the age I was when I seriously considered these names); B) white trash; or C) a D-list fashion designer with a penchant for classic 80s styles. I am none of these, which is why I will never name my children Denim or Lace.

Whether you like it or not, names, just like looks, are part of what people use to make an initial judgment of not just your kids, but you too. If you already have children, or if you plan to have children and already have a list of names, take a look at my little breakdown here and see if I've got you parents pegged.

If you name your son Daniel, James, John, Joseph, or Michael
Or your daughter Elizabeth, Emily, Anna, Sarah, or Catherine
Then you are boring. I'm only sort of kidding. After all, my brother's name is Michael, and while I love my parents, they are not the most exciting pair. They are dependable, no-nonsense people who, like you, are a bit introverted and aren't big on taking risks. Classic names like Michael are the least risky of them all. They are solid names that will always stand the test of time. Everyone knows how to say them and spell them, and they aren't good fodder for schoolyard taunts.

If you name your son Ethan, Landon, Braden, Caden, or Aiden (or anything else that ends in the "-aden" sound)
Or your daughter Ava, Emma, Peyton, Olivia, or Ella
Then you are a bit of a conformist, in that you like to stay up to speed on the current styles and trends. You tend to be more outgoing, charismatic, and open to change than your friends who named their kids John and Anna. Your child's furniture is most likely from Pottery Barn and he or she is always adorned in the latest styles from Baby Gap.

If you name your son Atticus, Banjo, Hudson, Quintin, or Zeno
Or your daughter Ambrosia, London, Poppy, Xanthe, or Zula
Then you don't give a crap about the trends. You expect your children to be just like you - utterly confident in who they are and unafraid to be themselves. You most likely work in a creative field, or at least have a creative hobby, and you are every inch the non-conformist. Whether you have a son or daughter, he or she has long hair that's never in pigtails or braids.

Long ago, I wrote a post about fast food and chain restaurant menu items that had insanely high calorie counts. I don't even know how many calories any of the things seen on This is Why Your'e Fat contain or how many grams of fat, but there's no way these numbers wouldn't be ridiculously high. Some of the stuff is so sickeningly greasy looking and loaded with meat that it makes my stomach hurt just looking at the photos.

There's a reason why an alarming percentage of people are so fat! Just look around in public places and see what people are eating and how much of it. Some of these fat food items are actually popular and not just enjoyed by people who could care less about calorie consumption, health, or body image. I've seen deep fried Twinkies and deep fried Oreos at various festivals before. Twinkies already make most people think of gluttonous couch potatoes, so why not up the ante and deep fry them!

There are some foods that were undoubtedly created just to be gross and weird, such as the Sandwich Cake, Meat Ship (yes, a ship made of meat), and the McNuggetini. All very gross and fatty. However, there are some things on This is Why You're Fat that I would actually eat. OK, maybe not eat an entire serving of, but definitely be willing to try.

Deep Fried Moon Pie on a Stick

Moon Pies are pretty old school, but I like them. I suppose the deep frying, stick, and powdered sugar give the ol' Moon Pie a new edge. I feel like somewhere in the world someone has attempted to deep fry every food in existence.

Bacon Wrapped Mozzarella Sticks

Who doesn't love mozzarella sticks? They are a classic American appetizer and they're delicious. I'm not the hugest fan of bacon, but I think these might taste OK. Besides, bacon is trendy so I'll need to learn to deal with it. I'd forgo the marinara sauce with these though.

The 60-Pound Rice Krispie Treat

I love Rice Krispie Treats, especially those big ones you can get at bakeries and sandwich places. This one is beyond huge! I regret that my friends and I did not attempt this when we were in school. I almost put a giant Kit Kat on the list instead. If you want to learn how to make your own super-sized Kit Kat, check this out. It's awesome.

So, I'm a big fat fan of AFV (that's America's Funniest Videos to you non-dorks out there) from way back. I'm talking Bob Saget (aka Danny Tanner) days. I took a brief hiatus from watching the show during the whole Daisy Fuentes/John Fugelsang era. Seriously, it was awful. It's bad when you're more annoying than Bob Saget. But I digress...

Some of my favorite videos are the ones featuring animals. What's great about animals is that they are, for the most part, completely shameless. They will do things in broad daylight that humans - normal ones, at least - would not be caught dead doing in public. For example, take a look at this gem:

Or there is the indecent kangaroo, completely oblivious to the fact that he's being filmed. Or is he?

Ah, fresh boogers. Tasty.