Retired Posts: September 2007 Archives

We applaud people who make an effort to ensure that their old possessions are re-used rather than dumped into the garbage. Really, we do. Even still, a quick browse through a couple of online “Free Stuff” listings makes us wonder who they think will actually want their strange cast-offs.

The Used Hospital Bed – Okay, so this one is actually sort of practical. A little gross, but definitely practical. What really gets us, though, is the picture…

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The Old Trophies – Thanks to this guy on Craigslist, you can vicariously enjoy the small-time sports triumphs of some old people in Illinois.

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The Broken Toilet Base – If you’re in the Los Angeles area, someone is giving away a free toilet base. I guess we should just be thankful that this one didn’t include a picture of the item in use.

If you’re like most people, you’ve scratched a CD or DVD on more than one occasion. CDs and DVDs have a lot of great qualities, but sturdiness isn’t one of them. Since Vat19 creates and sells a number of curiously awesome DVDs, we thought it only right that we share a few techniques that can bring damaged disks back to playable condition.

The Easy Stuff:

• Know Your Problem: First, make sure that the disk is the problem. This might seem obvious, but it’s easier to check now and save a little time. If your CD or DVD player functions perfectly for everything else, or if the disk acts up in other machines, you’ll know it’s the source of the problem.
• Clean It: Try wiping the disk with a soft cloth. Something like you’d use for eyeglasses would be perfect, as coarse fabric or paper could cause further damage. Most electronics stores also carry products for this purpose. When you’re wiping off the disk, be sure to move in straight lines from the inside to the outside of the disk. Circular motion is not recommended. For a more thorough cleaning, you can purchase professionally manufactured cleaning sprays.

The MacGuyver Stuff:

• Deep Cleaning: Even though rubbing alcohol is corrosive, plenty of people swear by it. If the problem with the disk is minor, we’d definitely recommend making a backup copy of the disk before you try this technique (or the next few, for that matter). In a pinch, many people have successfully used perfume, also.
• Fill in the Scratches: There are a number of common household items that have been known to fill in scratches on CDs and DVDs. Pledge and car wax are probably the most common. Just rub a bit over the affected surface (again, try to stick to rubbing in straight lines) and make sure you clean off all of the excess before attempting to use the disk.
• Rub It Out: This method involves removing the top layer of the CD’s surface where the scratch is found. On your own, you can do this by using plain white toothpaste. For more uniform results across the entire surface of the DVD, you can usually convince a helpful librarian or video store clerk to use their disk repair machine. The downside there is that they may charge a small fee (and no minty freshness).

I started to make a list of strange, often ridiculous festivals held throughout the U.S., but then I realized something. There are an awful lot of them. So I narrowed it down a bit, and came up with the strangest festivals for October. The following festivals stand out in stark contrast to the typical “Apples and Hayrides” festivals that you usually see in October.

Festival of the Dead - October 1-31 - Not surprisingly, this one’s located in Salem Massachusetts. Activities include ghost-hunting, a psychic fair, and a vampire masquerade ball.

Fantasia Fair - October 14-21 - The Fantasia Fair is a week-long transgender event held at a GLBT-friendly resort on the tip of Cape Cod.

Newsflash: text messaging is NOT new. Lately, there has been an explosion of text messaging in advertisements making it seem like text messaging is this crazy new fangled method of communication. Have these businesses been living in a hole for almost ten years?

If you are old, Amish, or have been hiding out in a cave and are unfamiliar with text messaging, pick up a copy of this waste of paper. You've got opposable thumbs, so you might as well use them more often.

Take a few seconds to endure this Cingular commercial. I guess I didn't get the memo that it's the new thing to only speak the first letter of each word to communicate. I'm cool with abbreviations and some acronyms, but this is just an absurdly stupid attempt at being funny. Also, why does a 10 year-old have unsupervised cell phone access?

As I am typing this post there is a Chevy Aveo commercial on the radio talking in an exaggerated form of instant messaging and text messaging. Definitely not amusing. No even halfway normal human talks anything like this. The dialog is similar to that of the Cingular commercial, but even worse because there aren't any subtitles. I have no idea what information I was being told. That's advertising money well spent.

As promised, we have a winner for the Curiously Awesome Contest. Rory's winning entry appears below:

I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC, and we're doing a story about cats who try to lure young birds to their boat for sex.

Rory will have his choice of any single item on Vat19.com. Congratulations to Rory, and thank you for all the entries!

America is probably the fattest (and I'm not talking p-h-a-t) country in the world. Products like the French Fry Container are probably contributing to the fatness. It is disgusting that there are people who eat greasy fries so often that they need a container specifically designed to hold their fry box in their car.

Most fast food fry containers fit in this bad boy, so no matter where you decide to get your fry fix you can drive around while you gorge like a fast food glutton. Just one problem, where is the ketchup holder?

If you’re interested in taking up a dangerous hobby, you don’t need to start base-jumping or alligator wrestling; you could take up age guessing. Few people, especially women, like to be reminded of the physical manifestations of passing years, decreased attractiveness, and ultimately, impending death. Imagine that.

All the same, if you’re going to do it, you should do it well (and subtract 5 years before giving your answer out loud). Here are a few tips you can use to improve your age-guessing skills.

Photo taken from this tutorial

Physical Cues:

· Hands – This is usually an easy giveaway for female age. Most women are fairly diligent about the use of anti-aging creams for their face, and skillfully-applied makeup can downplay a lot of facial cues. It’s rare to see a woman who has been so careful about her hands.

When most people hear the word “ThighMaster,” they think of Suzanne Somers. We think of Peter Bieler. Now, while Peter wasn’t the one to don leotards and promote it on television, he is the guy responsible for making it the household name we know today.

What’s surprising to a lot of people is that Mr. Bieler wasn’t even the inventor of the ThighMaster. Instead, he found the product when it was being used as a skiier’s rehabilitation tool. While it may have been great for that purpose, it wasn’t exactly selling by the thousands.

Enter Peter Bieler. He grabbed Suzanne Somers, re-christened it the ThighMaster, and the rest is history. Actually, we’re sure there were a ton of steps in between discovery and success, but we haven’t read his new book on the subject. If you want to, it’s called This Business Has Legs.

Sometimes, where someone has decided to get a tattoo can reveal a little something about that person's personality. Sure, it is stereotyping, but stereotypes don't just come out of no where.

Upper Arm

Classic tough guy or wannabe tough guy. If the tattoo goes all the way around the upper arm (like barbed wire) you are a tool that fell for a trend.

Neck/Face

You think you are hardcore and want that sucker to be seen by everyone all the time. Say hey to Jeffrey Sebelia for me.

Lower Back

Ahh, the "tramp stamp". You wear really low-cut jeans, let your thong peek out, and like it. You're probably just dying to be the next girl Akon brings up on stage.

Ankle

You are a good girl trying to be just a little bit bad, especially if it is a heart, flower, or cross. Nice try, but we know you still return your library books on time.

Knuckles

Intimidating others is one of your hobbies. You like words and phrases that are preferably 8 characters long.

Belly Button

You are weird for showcasing your belly button and believe that you have a good stomach that should be showed off. You probably do not have a good stomach.

Lower Hip/Groin

You think it's somewhere that no one will see it. Nice try. I know you're showing it to plenty of people.

UPDATE:

Chest

Woman: You want to draw attention to your cleavage. Plain and simple. Man: You are trying (unsuccessfully) to camouflage your man-boobs.

Shoulder Blade

You want everyone else to have to look at it, but not subject yourself to looking at it every day.

Somewhere out in Hollywood, far beyond the first 3-5 lines of the credits for most movies, you'll find thousands of successful working actors who don't have to worry about getting mobbed at the grocery store. We've compiled a list of a few that you'll probably recognize by sight or role, but not by name (and if you can, you're a greater movie fan than us).

William Fichtner - Mr. Fichtner played an FBI Agent in the hit show Prison Break, and the character Darren in the recent movie Blade of Glory, but before those roles, he appeared in a number of popular TV shows and movies. Prior to those roles, his resume also included The Longest Yard, indie hit The Chumscrubber, Black Hawk Down, The Perfect Storm, Armageddon, Quiz Show, and even Baywatch.



JT Walsh - Even if you don't recognize JT Walsh by sight, he probably seems very familiar to you. Although he died in 1998, his credit include roles in Pleasantville, Sling Blade, Executive Decision, Nixon, The X-Files, Miracle on 34th Street, Needful Things, and Hoffa.

With over 150 entries in our Curiously Awesome Contest, it wasn't easy to narrow things down. Somehow, though, we managed to do it. Below, we've selected the 5 that we liked best.

Now, it's up to you to vote and decide who wins. We appreciate all your entries and comments, and we wish the best of luck to the finalists.

If you’ve ever seen Office Space, you can probably appreciate the humor in the way that some corporations choose to communicate. Because Vat19 is a TPS-Report Free Workplace, we had to wonder – Do corporations really talk like that? It took us all of ten minutes to get an answer – YES. Below, enjoy a few of the standouts:

-Data Management Group offers ERP consulting services. In case you don’t know, ERP stands for Enterprise Resource Planning. In short, it’s a set of really expensive hardware and software that makes sure that all your corporate departments are able to work together in one system, technologically speaking.

The goal itself is sensible. Their text, on the other hand…

I swear, smokers are the most dedicated people in the world. Some smokers will stand outside in the freezing cold, brave snow and rain, and sweat in the humidity and heat in order to puff puff on that cigarette. Constantly buying the same item is being a dedicated customer. Smoking is not allowed in many public places, so smokers have to go outside. Abandoning a social scene for the sake of smoking takes dedication. I have seen people smoking with the car windows up, right before playing a soccer game, and even while mowing the lawn. Location and activity are non-issues. Smokers are dedicated to helping out non-smokers: pay extra tax on tobacco and won't live as long so there's a savings on social security pay outs.

Why do printers always seem to malfunction!? It seems so simple. Click the little printer icon and wait for the technological magic to happen. And wait. And wait. Is the paper jammed? Nope. Is the ink empty? Nope. Is the printer turned on? Yep. Did I actually click print? Yep. Where is my precious document? No one knows, except for the printer. And he's certainly not telling. And, don't even get me started on the stapler that is in Vat19's shipping room. It may seem virtually impossible for a one-functioned item to mess up, but it sure does.

Have you ever been playing miniature golf (a.k.a. putt-putt) and the group of people in front of you is playing incredibly slowly? Why is it that no matter how hard you try to slow yourself down and take your time, you still end up waiting for the slowpokes in front of you to finish the next hole? Seriously, those holes have like a par 2 and you only have to walk about 6 feet between strokes, so what is taking so long?

Attention drivers: please stop slowing down on the highway to look at accidents. No one likes traffic, so stop making the situation worse. A fender bender is nothing unusual or worthy of extra attention. A really bad accident might make you curious, but don't be the hated "rubberneck". If you've even been standing on the side of the road freaking out because your car just got totaled, you'll never be a jerk and slow down to stare at someone else's misfortune again. No one needs an audience at a time like that, so keep it movin'.

Twenty years ago, there were basically two ways to enjoy the interesting photography of complete strangers. You could either find it in print somewhere, or you could attend classes and gallery showings in your area. Today, the Internet offers more photos than any of us could ever hope to look at. In an effort to narrow things down a bit, we’ve selected a few of the best photo series we’ve come across.

The Danvers State Asylum - Dark tunnels, eerie lights, and a tortured past make this photo series worth a look.

Deep Sea Creatures - To survive deep below the ocean’s surface, animals have adapted in strange ways. The creatures in this photo series look like they could just as easily be Star Wars Cantina patrons.

Everyone knows that animals can do amazing things. Dogs can save lives, sniff out bombs, and find illegal drugs. Birds can deliver wartime messages, mimic speech, and even pry beers open with their beaks. Fish...well, fish don't do much, but they can be pretty tasty so they get a pass. Cats, on the other hand, aren't good for much of anything. Right?

Wrong. Cats may actually be the smartest of all animals, but they've been fooling us for years, pretending to be incapable so we'll let their laziness slide. They're friendly enough that we let them hang around, but they really don't serve much purpose. It's not likely that your cat will maul an intruder or locate you in a collapsed building. When the dust settles, you'll probably find him sitting on a windowsill sleeping. Most cats won't even wear a leash so you can take them to the park to help you pick up dates.

Most of us just assume that they can't be trained. The Cat Man knows better. He's been performing with his well-trained cats for over 25 years. Below, check out a clip of his show.

On a side note, I can't be the only person in the world who thinks that he bears a striking resemblance to Russell Hitchcock, the lead singer of the 80s duo, Air Supply.

Exhibit A:

Dominique Lefort, Master of Cats

Exhibit B:

Russell Hitchcock, Master of Power Ballads

Probably just about everyone has a ticklish spot somewhere. But when you try to tickle yourself, it doesn't work! Ever wonder why? Wonder no more.

The brain anticipates the contact and prepares itself for this contact. Our brains can distinguish between expected and unexpected sensations. Since the feeling of surprise, unease, or panic is taken away, the body does not respond like it would if someone else was doing the tickling. So I'm sorry to say that you won't be able to bring on the uncontrollable laughter that tickling causes on your own.

You know the old saying – “If you want to find a prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.” The same holds true for products. In order to find plenty of curiously awesome products to bring to our customers, we look at hundreds of potential items every week. Most of them are pretty boring – candles, country kitchen oven mitts, mystical oils with labels that talk about chakras – and then there are companies like Likkit.

Likkit makes the most disgusting product we’ve seen in a long time – a line of tongue necklaces. Unless you work in a very liberal atmosphere, their site probably isn’t safe for work.

According to Likkit’s page, they’ve been in the tongue business for 35 years now. Even Salvador Dali has gotten in on the tongue action, wearing one of their bear tongue necklaces to a premiere event back in the 70s. Tongues range in price from around $50 for the “Lady in Waiting Mini Likk” to almost $250 for their beefy giant “Big Snarl”. We’re sure it’s a great product for someone, but that someone isn’t us.

Maybe we’re just sick, but sometimes it’s hard to tell what you’re going to see based on a title alone. Try your luck at figuring out which of the following DVDs are special interest titles, and which ones aren’t fit for mixed company.

• After Sunset
• Monkey Business & Other Family Fun
• The Heat: Behind the Badge
• Man With a Mission
• After Innocence
• The Tailenders
• Company’s Coming
• The Perfect Server
• Race for the Poles
• Hunting – Asian Safari

Continue below to see the answers.

There are so many euphemisms, synonyms, slang, etc that sometimes it can be hard to know what means what. Here's some help, ya heard?

Mantastic - Feeling truly fantastic after successfully completing a very macho act. Example: After 12 beers, a giant leap over the blazing bonfire, and a long makeout session with his girlfriend, Jimmy felt mantastic.

Clicktease - When an ad or link seems like it will take you to a pornography site. It is misleading and does not take you to any kind of sexual material. Example: Darn! Instead of being an ad for a website with free pornography, it was just a clicktease that led me to a site for refinancing mortgages.

King Kong - An obnoxiously loud car stereo system. Includes sub woofers and amps to make it "thump" really hard. Example: You can hear him coming from a mile away. He's got some dope King Kong in his trunk.

Everyone knows that too many cheeseburgers can lead you to a slow and jiggly death, but if you’re looking for escape through food, there are faster ways to go. Any one of these deadly foods could take you out in a fraction of the time, but that doesn’t stop people from eating them.

• Hot Peppers – You’re going to have to work pretty hard if you want to kill yourself with hot peppers, but technically speaking, it can be done. Capsaicin, the ingredient that gives peppers their hotness, can lead to blue skin, breathing problems, and convulsions, when taken in extremely large amounts. Fortunately, only the very hottest exotic peppers could even come close (in normal consumption quantities).

  Fun Pepper Fact: Birds are not affected by capsaicin, which makes them excellent pepper farmers. They eat the seeds, fly around a bit, and drop them off when they’ve worn out their welcome. Yummy.


• The Hooded Pitohui – Despite the ominous-sounding name, the Pitohui is a tiny, adorable red and black bird that is native to New Guinea. It’s also the only bird known to have poison-coated feathers. Natives have long avoided the poisonous parts, but it couldn’t have been fun figuring out which parts those were, exactly.

  From the moment it enters the body its poison, homobatrachotoxin, causes burning and numbness, followed by uncontrollable muscle contractions, paralysis, and eventually, death.



• Mushrooms – Mushrooms can kill you, and not just the hallucinogenic ones. Even the Morel, a commonly hunted forest mushroom, has a look-a-like relative that can kill you. In most cases, you’d have to eat a handful for consumption to be lethal, but it’s always best to avoid questionable mushrooms. There are no proven antidotes for any major variety of mushroom poisoning.
  

• Pufferfish – No list of dangerous foods is complete without a nod to this fetching fish. In Japan, chefs are required to undergo several years of careful training to be allowed to prepare pufferfish, as the toxin it contains is roughly 1200 times more lethal than cyanide. Outlawed for centuries, it’s hard to believe that anyone would voluntarily consume it, much less pay hundreds of dollars for the privilege.
  

Ever since we started selling the Dreamcheeky USB Missile Launcher and USB Circus Cannon, the questions have been pouring in. Do you have to use Windows? Can I modify it? Can I use it to blow up my mother-in-law? We're not kidding about that last one, either.

Since it happens so often, we've decided to create a brief list of the resources that we've come across. While we can't guarantee that everything on this list works, it's a good place to get started. As far as we can tell, the Cannon and the Missile Launcher are both compatible with all of the following softwares.

SharpLauncher - This one's an open-source Windows program that offers a number of super-cool features for both the Cannon and the Missile Launcher. The following is just a brief summary:

• Adds the ability to fire while moving.


• Slow motion launcher movement


• Ability to control multiple launchers


• Webcam integration, including the ability to take candid shots immediately after firing

USB Missile Launcher NZ - If you're a Mac user hoping to use one of the launchers, this site has the download you'll need. What's more, it even includes a lot of the webcam and firing options mentioned above in the Windows software. The site's a little harder to browse, but the files are located on the left sidebar under the "Download" heading.

The Launcher Library - If you're a Linux user, the outlook isn't quite as bright. The Launcher Library has gathered information to get someone started in the right direction, but there's not quick and easy download (that we're aware of).

Control the Launcher with a Joystick - If you're a little more technically-inclined, you could also check out this brief tutorial on how to control your launcher's movement with a joystick.

The contest is now over. You can visit the voting post by clicking here.

To celebrate the launch of our new blog, we've decided that a contest is in order. Instead of the typical random drawing giveaway, though, you're going to have to work for it. To enter, just come up with a caption for the photo below, then click here and scroll all the way down to leave your entry in the comments section. Remember to fill in your e-mail address (and website if you have one) so we'll know how to get in touch if you win.

The prize? Your choice of any one item sold on Vat19.com. Any price, any size - shipped for free to any address in the United States. So, browse around, figure out what you'd pick, and come up with some captions.

We've provided a few of our own ideas to get you started.

"The stare down: 2 hours 37 minutes and counting."

Captain's Log: June 28th, 2007. Day 127. Too many days at sea. I'm beginning to hallucinate, grand visions of succulent seabirds presenting themselves for my enjoyment...

"Don't be such a pussy, cat. I dare you to come outside."

"I'll bet you six lives that there's a human reflection in this photo."

The deadline for entry is September 14th, and the contest is open to all U.S. residents. We'll determine the winner by narrowing down the field and offering it up for a vote. Good luck!