Recently in Rant-aholic Category

"Hate" might be a bit too harsh, but there are people in the world that we all dislike and find aggravating. I don't care how nice you are, how nice others think you are, or how nice you actually are. Chances are that no matter how saintly you are there is a type of person listed below that really gets your blood boiling.

People who write checks to pay for stuff at the store in the year 2008. Getting stuck in line behind someone paying with a check is annoying. It takes too much of the cashier's time and my time. Balancing your checkbook before tearing it out or moving along is grounds for me wishing not so nice things upon you. Please go get a debit or credit card ASAP.

Parking space stalkers. I don't like being followed to my car just because someone is too lazy to park 10 spaces further away. By time you impatiently wait for me to back out you could have already been inside the building.

Waiters who take 10 minutes to read the daily specials. I've been told that I have the palate of a 7-year-old, so I am not the person who is going to order some odd concoction. It shouldn't take 3 full minutes to describe the chicken. The worst part is listening to the fluffy descriptions about the carefully selected wine pairings from someone who you know doesn't really know what he is talking about.

Concertgoers who sing along too loudly. Whether you know the lyrics or not is a non issue. Whether you sound decent or not is also a non issue. I paid money to hear Sigur Rós, not some douchebag who is scream-singing along to a language he doesn't even know. Don't even try to pretend that you speak Icelandic.

Telemarketers. This one had to be on the list. I'm sorry if your career consists of getting hung up on a thousand times a day. Your job sucks so bad that other jobs were created to block you from doing your job. Don't waste my time trying to sell me something over the phone. I have never purchased something unsolicited over the phone and that will never change. And don't give me a generic American name when we both know it isn't your real name. I could care less what your name is, so just say the truth. Below is a video of a prank pulled on a telemarketer.

Slow walkers. I don't know about you, buy usually when I am walking somewhere it is because I'm trying to get somewhere. I'm all for taking leisurely walks but not in the middle of a crowded sidewalk in Chicago or in the mall. Go find yourself a park. And make sure your slow feet stay out of the bicycle lanes.

The driver with the blinker on. When I get stuck behind a car with the blinker left on, it drives me nuts. I have zero tolerance for this. It's practically all I can focus on, which isn't good for anybody. How do you not see the arrow blinking or hear it clicking? I can't hold up a sign or yell out my window. That could get me assaulted. I have no choice but to wait for that idiot to realize it is still on and turn it off.

Airplane passengers with stinky food. When you are on an airplane you are already uncomfortably close to a bunch of strangers. Why would you bring on some horrendously smelly food when in such close quarters with limited air flow? Ignorant.

I'm sure there are plenty more people that we all could do without. I could probably write about this for an entire day, but alas, I have work to do! Leave a comment about the type of person that drives you crazy. You can do it anonymously so you don't have to ruin your "such a nice person" reputation.

It seems so simple: buy ticket, sit down, watch movie. Wrong, wrong, wrong. There are many things that can ruin a trip to the movie theater.

Let me begin my list of movie theater grievances with a true story.

When Jarhead came out, I saw it on a megascreen and it was packed. It wasn't possible to leave an empty seat between the people you weren't with. So, some guy was sitting to my left and my boyfriend was to my right. During a silent part of the action movie, he slurps on his empty soda and begins choking because he's attempting to suck up nothing. How can he not know the liquid level? If you are sucking and you aren't getting anything, why would you continue to suck harder? Why would you wait until one of the few quiet parts in a movie full of loud explosions to do this? Serves him right. I tried like hell to hold in my laughter, but couldn't take it anymore. So I'm sitting there laughing at a choking man during a war movie. It became one of those situations where the more you try to stop laughing the more you laugh. Then my boyfriend starts to laugh because he also heard all of this. I'm sure everyone around hated us, but in all fairness, it wasn't our fault.

What is the lesson? Do not attempt to suck up anything through a straw if there isn't any liquid left in the cup. You will probably choke and make yourself look like an idiot. Follow this rule no matter where you are.

10 other things that are annoying at the movie theater:

1. Loud snackers - Stop trying to quietly open your Twizzlers by doing it slowly. You are only making your noise last longer. Give it one quick pull open and be done with it.

2. Cell phone users - This one is obvious, but without fail there is always that one rude person who leaves their phone on. Get over yourself. The world can handle not talking to you for 90 minutes.

3. Kickers - Do not kick the back of my chair. There is no reason for your feet to be out of control while sitting in a movie.

4. Armrest bandits - Don't try to steal my armrest if I was using it first. Finders keepers. And no, we cannot share it. I'm not into rubbing elbows with strangers.

Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/voteprime/ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/thevoicewithin/

Have you ever walked into a store and noticed a sign that says "No Heelys"? The fact that stores even have to put up signs for this is ridiculous. Kids need to stop shoe-skating around in public places where it isn't appropriate because it is really annoying for everyone else.

I've seen kids slam into racks of clothing, fall because they don't know how to use their "cool" shoes, and run into other shoppers or pedestrians. I'm cool with kids having and using Heelys, but their parents need to teach them when they can and cannot use them. If they can't follow those rules, then bye-bye Heelys. Furthermore, kids that are so immature that they are "skating" around the mall shouldn't be unattended at the mall to begin with.

The other day I saw a sign next to an escalator warning people to use caution when wearing Crocs sandals. Are you joking? How many feet have been mutilated by an escalator to warrant a sign like this? How stupid are people? The fact that this particular brand and style of shoe was singled out is pretty crazy. Then again, the amount of kids (ugh, and adults) that I've seen wearing Crocs is huge so it's no wonder something stupid happened to someone.

What makes parents think that a chunk of whole-punched plastic is appropriate daily footwear for a child? Kids are always running around and climbing, and I wouldn't think these are the safest choice. Playing at the beach or a place where you'll want to hose them off - fine. Running around - you're asking for a fall and a possible injury. Those things don't even stay on feet securely, they start to smell despite the ventilation, and they are clunky and pretty ugly.

Crocs are everywhere. They are even sold in Hallmark stores. Why does a card/stationary/gift store sell shoes?

I know kids like things that are colorful, but I'm getting sick of seeing all those little charms that fit in the holes of the Crocs. But, I'll give that a break since I'm from the generation that drilled holes in dice to put them on the strings of our Adidas jackets.

Adults who wear Crocs is a whole other issue. Unless you have a job where your shoes are likely to get gross and need to be washed frequently, then you probably shouldn't be wearing bright, plastic clogs. I just don't get the fascination with them. What's wrong with a pair of flip flops? Are they worried they'll stub a toe? Are these things that comfortable that they'll disregard the hideous style?

Judging by the assortment of dog turds that are gracing my sidewalk and front yard, you'd think I have a little dog and a big dog. But I have no dogs.

I live in a nice neighborhood with seemingly civilized inhabitants, yet some of these pet owners act like lazy, disgusting hoosiers. You're the one that got yourself a dog, so pick up after it! Or, better yet, how about you keep your dog out of my yard so that the pooping never happens there.

If your dog poops in your yard and you want to leave it there, fine. Gross, but fine. My yard is a different story.

It is beyond rude to leave your dog's poop in someone else's yard. I want to be able to walk through my grass without having to dodge turds. Should I end up stepping in one and I know which dog it came from, you should expect to find my poopy footprints on your front door.

Spandex should be banned.
Why? Why do people wear spandex? Male or female, it is not attractive. No one wants to see everything you've got (or don't). Do people not realize that spandex is distracting in a bad way? No one's looking at the faces in this picture. Nasty.

But, oh, oh those summer nights...
Attention karaoke singers: stop singing songs from Grease. It is highly annoying and unoriginal. Summer Nights is a really lame song anyways. Bury it.

Wear your dog like a fanny pack!
There are tons of products for sale that are not useful for me personally. But, those products might be useful for someone. People in the world are actually buying this harness-like contraption that carries a dog. Do dogs not like to actually walk when they go outside for a walk?

"We'll hang out at the coolest bars"
I cannot stand Nickelback. The lyrics, the sound, the looks, and the repetitious radio play drive me crazy. How did they convince all of those celebrities to be part of the video for Rockstar? Anyone else sick of the long-haired Jesus look?

Not that I drive around raging along to "Bad Habit" by Offspring or anything, but there are some things that I encounter while driving that are really aggravating. I'm sure each of us has a driving pet peeve besides the usual complaint against rubber-necking and tailgating. Feel free to vent a little bit and leave your own driving pet peeve in the comments.

- Why do people leave their blinkers on for miles and miles? How can you not see the little arrow flashing or hear it?

- Get the stuffed animals out of your back window. And while you're at it, take the lei, tassel, Mardi Gras beads, and any other object off of your rear-view mirror.

- Stop circling up and down the same rows of parking spots or being a parking space stalker (slowly following behind people who are leaving so you can take their parking spot). Quit being lazy, park, and walk a little.

- Does anyone else laugh a little bit inside when you hear some kid floor it and his car sounds ten times louder than a lawn mower? Dude, you don't sound cool, you sound like you are about to explode.

- While your garage door is opening, you are able to pull into your driveway to wait for it. Get out of the street so that I don't also have to sit there and wait. I have several neighbors that do this, and I just don't get it.

I swear, smokers are the most dedicated people in the world. Some smokers will stand outside in the freezing cold, brave snow and rain, and sweat in the humidity and heat in order to puff puff on that cigarette. Constantly buying the same item is being a dedicated customer. Smoking is not allowed in many public places, so smokers have to go outside. Abandoning a social scene for the sake of smoking takes dedication. I have seen people smoking with the car windows up, right before playing a soccer game, and even while mowing the lawn. Location and activity are non-issues. Smokers are dedicated to helping out non-smokers: pay extra tax on tobacco and won't live as long so there's a savings on social security pay outs.

Why do printers always seem to malfunction!? It seems so simple. Click the little printer icon and wait for the technological magic to happen. And wait. And wait. Is the paper jammed? Nope. Is the ink empty? Nope. Is the printer turned on? Yep. Did I actually click print? Yep. Where is my precious document? No one knows, except for the printer. And he's certainly not telling. And, don't even get me started on the stapler that is in Vat19's shipping room. It may seem virtually impossible for a one-functioned item to mess up, but it sure does.

Have you ever been playing miniature golf (a.k.a. putt-putt) and the group of people in front of you is playing incredibly slowly? Why is it that no matter how hard you try to slow yourself down and take your time, you still end up waiting for the slowpokes in front of you to finish the next hole? Seriously, those holes have like a par 2 and you only have to walk about 6 feet between strokes, so what is taking so long?

Attention drivers: please stop slowing down on the highway to look at accidents. No one likes traffic, so stop making the situation worse. A fender bender is nothing unusual or worthy of extra attention. A really bad accident might make you curious, but don't be the hated "rubberneck". If you've even been standing on the side of the road freaking out because your car just got totaled, you'll never be a jerk and slow down to stare at someone else's misfortune again. No one needs an audience at a time like that, so keep it movin'.

Why do the most annoying fans in the entire baseball park end up on TV? Those camera men decide where to point the camera, so I'm not sure why someone would choose to make the rest of the world look at some of the lamest people in attendance. A few of the fans that annoy me are:

Waving while on my cell phone as I sit behind home plate guy. No one cares about seeing you on TV except for that one single person you are talking to. That person might not even care. Not to mention the fact that you have one of the best seats in the entire park, so get off your phone and actually watch the game occurring 10 feet in front of your face. Cellphone companies should join together and make an agreement that there will be no service provided in the first ten or so rows.

Network poster guy. Who are you a fan of, the team or the network? Yes, the announcers that come along with the network matter. But guess what, you're at the game, not at home watching the broadcast and listening to those announcers. You made that poster because you know a network will do anything for some advertising. "New York's Best Coverage". Suck up.

I'm with a really hot girl guy. Camera men are like snipers when it comes to hunting down a hot girl. She's probably your sister or something. Or she's paid arm candy.

I'm a grown man and I brought my glove guy. You are not a little leaguer on a field trip, so leave that glove at home and spit out that fatty wad of Big League Chew.

Cliche poster guy. "Hey hey hey Albert! Hit it over here!" Do not try to tie Albert Pujols together with Fat Albert. You are not clever. You are lame.

Obnoxiously enthusiastic guy. You are the one who is the last thing I see before a commercial break after the end of an amazing inning. Your hat is definitely on backwards, you have a beer in your hand, your buddies are all shoving their faces by yours so that you are all in the camera shot, and your mouth is open too far while screaming. Get off my TV.

Shirt off guy. Even if you are tan and ripped I don't want to see you shirtless. If there is something painted on your chest/belly I don't want to see letters or numbers jiggling around.

I have a cute kid guy. Aww, isn't that sweet that you brought your kid to the game. He is making a mess of himself with cotton candy and the camera loves it.

I'm eating the grossest over-sized hot dog guy. Ketchup, mustard, relish, onions, jalapeños, and sauerkraut all overflowing out of a hot dog as you try to shove that giant monstrosity into your mouth is super unattractive. I pity the people sitting around you who have to smell and watch that.

I trampled a little kid for this foul ball guy. It's a only a foul ball, dude. It happens tons of times during a game, so it isn't a cool or rare event. That foul ball isn't going to be worth thousands on eBay or anything. Prevent someone from getting hit by the ball, but don't hit (or push or run over) someone to get the ball.

If you are one of these "guys", I hope you realize how much everyone is making fun of you and hope that none of us will ever have to see you on our TVs again.

Just because you're famous...
Just because you have a famous parent or sibling doesn't mean that you should also be famous. I'm looking at you Hogan family, Brody Jenner, and Haylie Duff. If you've ever seen an episode of House of Carters, you'll see why all siblings are not meant to be famous because there just isn't enough talent to go around.

Doctor, do you concur?
If Urgent Care opens at 8:00 AM and I am the first person to walk in when the doors open at 8:00 AM, why do I sit in the waiting room for thirty minutes? No one is in front of me, no other patients are anywhere in the building. There are five nurses/doctors just standing around talking behind the counter making sure not to make eye contact with me, the strep throat sufferer. I'm glad that as I sit there choking on my own uvula they have better things to do like talk about last night's episode of 1 vs 100.

Man-up at that bar
If you are legally of age to be in a bar, do not open your mouth and order a Bacardi Razz, Smirnoff Triple Black, Mike's Hard Lemonade, or anything similar. You are not 17 and hanging out in a basement.

Buy me some peanuts...
Who do the makers of Crunch 'n Munch think they are? They are inferior Cracker Jacks. Cracker Jacks were around for 70 years before Crunch 'n Munch. Cracker Jacks are in the lyrics to "Take Me Out To The Ballgame". They are part of America's snacking history. There's even a sailor (Sailor Jack rules) and a dog on the box. Crunch 'n Munch doesn't even have a prize inside the box. And to the makers of Cracker Jacks, your prizes are nothing to write home about, so step it up.

Self-indulgent emails
Everyone stop forwarding those "All About Me" emails. No one cares what your favorite season is, when the last time you cried was, or where you would like to go on vacation. You are at work to do your job, not write pointless facts about yourself to all your online buddies.