Results tagged “awful” from The official blog of Vat19.com

Those with weak stomachs, look away! Well, I guess it's too late. You've already seen the toilet-shaped mug that looks like it has, well, you-know in it.

This is one of those things that completely grosses me out, and yet I can't stop looking at it. I mean, it's kind of funny, but in a really cheap gag gift kind of way. And in this case, I mean "gag" literally. Just too gross for me.

It grosses me out almost as much as that stomach-churning "coffee" scene from the second Austin Powers movie. If you don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.

What in the heck are these for!? I seriously cannot think of a single situation when you would need these, want these, or where these would be funny. Are these for the next generation of ravers? I guess that means glow sticks are out. Now you need a Party Rat.

The name doesn't even mean anything! Yes, these little lights look like rats, but so what? Is a "party rat" something that I just don't know about? "Party animal", yes. "Party rat", no.

Wow, how sad are your lifestyle and eating habits if you need one of these? It's one thing to eat while you're driving every now and then, but to do it so often that you need to buy an in-car eating bib is just crazy. This product should not be necessary. Don't try to eat messy foods in your car or don't miss your mouth.

I would love to see someone driving down the road scarfing down some messy fast food while wearing this...just so I can confirm that someone bought one.

Did Beck's seriously allow its beer to be defaced with Hello Kitty and pink labels? The 6-pack container is even designed to look like a little purse.

I don't know when females in their 20's and 30's decided it was cool to be obsessed with Hello Kitty, but I wish it would stop. This character is for little girls, not for people old enough to buy beer! Guys, if someone passes you a Hello Kitty beer, pour it into the Stainless Steel Beer Mug and hide that ridiculous bottle ASAP.

Does the world really need more fart sounds? Whether the sound is real or fake, I think not. I'd obviously rather spend $7.99 on something else. Kids, don't spend your allowance on this stupid toy.

About a month ago, I was taking a tour a at the Anheuser-Busch Brewery here in St. Louis, and some kid (I don't know why a kid was there. Kids don't want to hear about beechwood aging and hops.) walked by a group of us and played a fart machine while his friend walked by about 10 feet behind him laughing. Good one, kids. Like that one's never been done before.

This idiot of a kid didn't use a Gas-O-Matic, but I imagine he probably has one at home. He probably also stocked up on the extra sphincters. Yes, those are available.

The manufacturer says that "this realistic-sounding flatulence imtitator makes people think you really let one fly." Well isn't that wonderful news? By the way, that spelling error for "imitator" is actually on their webpage like that. Nice job, fake fart toy website creators.

You'd think the energy drink trend would be played out by now, but it's not.

For just $2.99 you can score yourself a can of Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink. I get that people love retro stuff and like to try weird drinks, but Pac-Man doesn't seem like the type of video game that should be associated with an energy drink. For World of Warcraft, sure. But not for Pac-Man.

You can also get a can of Donkey Kong Jungle Juice Energy Drink for $2.49. Apparently Donkey Kong can't command the $2.99 price like Pac-Man can.

If you're looking for a useful and unique Pac-Man gift that doesn't have the douchebag factor associated with energy drinks, check out the Pac-Man Pot Holder.

About a month ago, Vat19 released a completely revamped version of its award-winning driver's education program on DVD, Rules of the Road. Needless to say, safe driving is a popular and respected subject around here.

When I saw the Road Rage Cards, I couldn't believe that people actually thought these were a good or humorous idea. Although their legal disclaimer says they aren't intended to be used in cars and are only for entertainment purposes, I have to think they know people are going to use these signs in a car. There's an image on the homepage showing a driver holding up one of the cards! If not, then why even buy them at all? Putting these up in your office isn't entertaining and just doesn't make any sense.

Even if the phrases were clever or funny, these would still be a terrible idea. Holding up a sign of any kind at a driver is weird and probably going to piss that other driver off. Holding up one of these rude cards to express your road rage is practically guaranteed to spark even more road rage in another driver, especially the ones with cursing or a picture of a gun.

There are 43 different phrases written on cards that let you express your road rage in writing. Examples of the clean ones include "Why are you tapping your breaks, freak?", "Blinker?", and "Slower Traffic Keep Right". I bet we've all thought these things silently in our heads or maybe even said them out loud. Holding up a pre-printed sign is way too much. How stupid do you look if you are driving around just waiting for another driver to make you mad so you can hold up your snarky sign?

Each phrase also comes reverse type-written so the car in front of you can read it when looking back at you in their rear view mirror. You thought that was only for ambulances and emergency vehicles? Wrong, now it is available to every raging idiot on the road.

I think these things were invented in 2004, but there is one with a cell phone picture that looks like a circa 1999 Nokia phone that everyone and their brother had. It's absurd that there is a sign with a picture of a cellphone followed by "= Lousy Driver". Instead of reaching over to grab your set of signs, flipping through to find the appropriate phrase, and positioning the sign so the other driver can read it, just concentrate on driving your car properly. Oh sure, the person busy messing with signs isn't a lousy driver, right?

Sure, I might be an occasional blogging rant-aholic, but I'm no promoter of blatant and premeditated road rage.

On a recent peruse around the Internet, I came across something I thought I'd never in my life see: A Fart Pad. Or if you want to be PC about it, Subtle Butt: Disposable Gas Neutralizer. It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. According to its seller, it "effectively filters the odor caused by flatulence; Simply stick it in the right place and you're ready for a chili cook-off".

Do I think it's ridiculous? Yes! Do I know someone(s) who could use one (or thousands)? Yes, again! Just within my immediate family, I can count two gentlemen who can clear a room with just one blow. Seriously, I'm talking barf-inducing kind of gas.

Another man, who goes by the name Jose Cruz, may also have a necessity for some Subtle Butt. If this young lad had only inserted one of these bad boys in his trousers before going out for a night of drinking, maybe he wouldn't be facing an additional charge along with his DUI.

Hear the story yourself:

Fart Pads. Who woulda thunk it? But then again, who would have thought you could get charged with BATTERY for farting?

Officer Fart-Face (what he might of said): "How dare you break wind before me?"
Jose Cruz (what he should have said): "Excuse me, Officer. But whoever smelt it, dealt it!"

Right?!

Earlier this year, Vat19.com/blog brought you a list of Ridiculous Catalog Photos. We are back with more awful catalog photos, just in time for Valentine's Day. All we can say is that what some people think is sexy, others might find sleazy.

The Pole Dancing Kit

This photo is so awful, its good. The clear stripper heels, the tattoo on the ankle, the red feather boa on the ground. Good news fellas, this stripper pole can support up to 300 pounds! Delightful.

The "Naughty Knot"

Impressive. She knows how to loop, swoop, and pull. Did she steal this giant bow from the Lexus Christmas commercials?

Crazy Cluck Chicken

You have to choke the Crazy Cluck Chicken in order to make it sing and dance. Really? Would it have been too un-perverted to simply squeeze its beak or belly?

What is Liquid ASS? According to their website, it is a "power-packed, super-concentrated liquid [that] begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo." By the way, I'm not capitalizing the ASS for no reason; that's how they do it.

When I first saw Liquid ASS, I didn't think people were actually buying this and that if they were that they'd be high school kids spraying the stuff in class.

I was totally wrong. There are a few videos posted on their website, and all of them are from adults. As immature and gross as it is, it would be really funny to spray this stuff and watch people have disgusted reactions.

I've never smelled it, but apparently it is incredibly gross. Even though I know it will make me gag, I want to smell it to see just how bad it is.

Here's a video from a guy who gets a bunch of Liquid ASS and sprays it around the bathroom at his office. Two of his co-workers end up gagging over a toilet because it smells so awful! I think it'd be funnier if he would just let people discover the stench on their own rather than prompting them, but it's still kind of funny.

If you want more where that came from, check out his YouTube channel. I don't even think this guy works for or sells Liquid ASS, and yet he spends all of this time video taping his Liquid ASS pranks! That's quite a devoted customer.

The guys at Liquid ASSets Novelties will send you 25 free bottles of this stuff if you send them a video and they post it. Seeing how Vat19 has awesome video skills, I'm pretty sure we could earn the free bottles. However, with all of the new product videos we've been adding I don't think we have time for prank videos. Boo hoo.

I'm sure we've all had a coach that was a nightmare to look at, whether it was the clothes, body type, accessories, equipment, or hair. Behold these examples of unfashionable coaching.

Classic, tight coaches shorts

What tacky coach hasn't sported a pair of these tight (not as in "awesome") shorts? These are the coach equivalent to cheerleaders and their Soffe shorts. Since they are available in pretty much every color of the rainbow, Coach McTightshorts can have a pair no matter what his team colors. How can players concentrate when faced with all of the bulges that result from wearing something so tight and unforgiving? He might as well say, "OK, team, huddle up. As you can see, I hang to the left. Now let's get out there and win this game."

Lanyards and whistles

No one cares for the sound of a whistle, especially when it is coming from a coach who is blowing angrily at you. I had a soccer coach who was overweight and he'd blow the whistle so hard you'd think one of those blows would be the last exhale to escape from the strained lungs inside of his obese body. Be a man, lose the whistle, and use your authoritative voice. Unless you want to be the traffic cop of the field, stop using a whistle.

Tall socks

Unless you are actually playing the sport, you shouldn't wear tall athletic socks. It looks like you are stuck in the 70's and will give you a terrible farmer's tan. On a previous post about butt cleavage, I received an unhappy comment about using the term "plumber's crack". Before anyone leaves a hate comment about the usage of "farmer's tan", I would just like to state that that is what it is called. No disrespect to farmers. If there is some other politically correct term for it out there, feel free to leave a comment and let me know.

Sunglasses with colorful reflective lenses

How hoosier are these sunglasses? The wearer of these should have cut-off jean shorts, a mustache, and a Yosemite Sam tattoo. There are plenty of athletic sunglasses out there to choose from, so why choose these uglies? Maybe some coaches don't like it when people can see their eyes. That way they can watch the cheerleaders instead of keeping their eyes on the game and no one would be able to notice. Gross.

Wearing the team uniform if you are fat and out of shape

Let's be real. Who wants to take athletic advice from a fat guy? They can talk stats, strategy, history, or whatever as much as they want, but the second they start talking about anything revolving around health and gaining athletic ability I would stop listening. Sorry Lou, that uniform isn't doing anything for you. Pass that on to your colleague Charlie Manuel from the Phillies. Looks like pinstripes aren't as slimming as they say.

Hopefully all of you readers love your dad and want to give him something awesome for Father's Day that he will like and actually use. But, if you aren't so fond of Pops, buy him one of these gifts and you won't even have to say "I hate you, Dad"....the crappy present will say it for you.

Bottle of Brut (or any other cheap cologne)

If you dislike your dad and want him to smell like and old man who shops at Walgreens, go ahead and buy him a bottle of the classic green stuff. Hey, no one said all classics are good. If your dad actually likes and wears Brut in the year 2008, then your gift will not be considered bad. Proceed on down this list.

Anything that says "#1 Dad" or "World's Greatest Dad" on it

Dad's do not want to wear anything this cheesy. And no man wants to carry around a wussy canvas tote bag with camo writing. If you're the type of guy that likes camo, I doubt you also like tote bags. Unless you are are under the age of 7, giving your dad a gift like this is a blatant way of saying you put zero thought into his gift and have no regard for his style. Hopefully this shirt isn't a step up from your dad's current style.

The Uro Club

Yes, friends, the Uro Club is a golf club that you pee in. Call me old fashioned, but I'm not going to freak out if a golfer walks to the edge of the green and pees in the woods. I'd rather have that happen than a guy hooking a towel to his belt loops as a privacy screen and just brazenly standing there in the wide open. What golfer holds a towel like that over his club? This is in no way discreet. Lose the towel, and the stance looks normal. But, the towel can't exactly be eliminated. I hope the cap is ultra leak-proof since golf clubs are stored upside down. Give your dad one of these, and he'll be wishing he never played a part in your existence.

A tacky tie

Nothing says "I don't have the slightest care in the world" like a gift that is intentionally tacky. If you give Dad a flamboyant themed tie, be prepared for him to strangle you with it. Although the silly-tie-as-a-present gig is totally played out, do it if you must in order to anger your dad.

Mini guitar MP3 player on a lanyard

You could trick Dad into thinking this uRock Guitar MP3 Player is actually cool. With the success of Guitar Hero, Rock Band, and the appearance of contestants with guitars on the 2008 season of American Idol, guitars are having a pretty great year. Make him look like an idiot when he wears the mini guitar (available with flames on it) around his neck with the included lanyard. Rocking out while on the move has never looked so lame.

I will openly admit that I have a really nice bike that has been sitting in my garage since Christmas 2006. It's been up and down my street once. Unfortunately, I don't get that many opportunities to ride my bike (I also use too hot or too cold weather as an excuse!) and I definitely cannot bike to work.

But if I could bike to work and it happened to be raining that day, I would not throw on the Hands Free Cockpit Umbrella and get pedaling. Either all of me is getting soaked or none of me is getting soaked.

Is someone seriously paying $60 for this thing? If you or someone you know has wasted money on this product, please leave a comment and explain why.

It is keeping your hair, head, and shoulders dry, but what about the rest of your body? You can't show up to work soaking wet. Well, unless you are a lifeguard. And seeing how most suits are dry clean only, this thing should be covering the entire bike and also have something to prevent gross rainwater from splashing up from the ground.

If they had an athlete modeling this product, I could tolerate it a tiny bit more. Who cares if spandex gets wet? But a suit is absurd. This is just another example of a horrible catalog photo.

Why only show a cyclist? Why not a pedestrian walking? Or someone at a bus stop? A skateboarder? Why only sport this catastrophe while on a bike?

Why are only the back panels black? Why aren't all of them clear? Or why couldn't they have them be white so they blend in a little better? Or since the wearer is already looking like a total douchebag idiot, why not offer them in crazy patterns and colors? Apparently these black panels are made of breathable fabric. You can't have humidity in there fogging up your view!

Here's an interesting feature: a "rubber grip pops open the cockpit at the push of a button". Uh, can we say "Go Go Gadget Hands Free Cockpit Umbrella!" Ooooo, and it comes with a carrying case! While waiting for it to dry off do people carry this thing around all proud like some bikers do with their helmets?

Maybe they'll come out with a hard, durable version for motorcyclists in time for Christmas. I'm sure bikers would love to wear this. I think I would pay money to see a group of Harley riders all wearing the Hands Free Cockpit Umbrella.

Baseball season is in full swing (yes, pun intended). I usually don't mind baseball-themed products when those products are designed for cute little kids. The Slugga bat backpack is at the top of my list for awful products targeted at Little Leaguers.

OK, so I don't actually have a list titled Most Awful Products Targeted at Little Leaguers. But if I did, this would be on it.

The Slugga bat backpack went overboard with trying to be cute and themed. This thing fails at being cool and also looks pretty creepy.

It is a character shaped like a real baseball bat with arms and legs. I like a little anthropomorphism every now and then, but not in this case. He looks like he's high. He's showing his midriff. No baseball player would be caught dead in a cropped jersey. Not even the gals in A League of Their Own would wear this. The cap tilted to the side must be an attempt at being "hip". Or, maybe he's just too stoned to keep his hat on straight. Those shoes suck. They look like wannabe Chuck Taylors.

It's great that these kids are participating in an athletic activity and are having fun. Props to their parents for not allowing them to get grossly overweight like most kids I see today. (that my friends, would be an entire other ranting post) However, at least one of these kids has a parent or coach who allowed him to carry the stupid Slugga. On a side note, is it just me or does it look like the head of the kid in the front row on the left was Photoshopped on?

I love me some toast (and French toast!) but I do not love the myriad of toast products that are available. Sure toast is delicious and simple, but what is the fascination with wanting other objects that look like toast? Remember when that piece of toast with an image of Virgin Mary on it sold for $28,000 on eBay to Golden Palace Casino? Ridiculous.

In case you've missed the junk you can buy that looks like toast, here's a crash course.

Inflatable Toast

Tic Tac Toast

Toasted Notes

Toast Pillow

So one night I'm sitting on the couch watching TV and I see a commercial for the Ped Egg. I'd never heard of it and it looked like a cheap piece of plastic junk, so I continued watching to see what this thing was about. Most infomercials are good for a laugh. Not with the Ped Egg; this is no laughing matter.

The Ped Egg is pretty much an egg-shaped cheese grater for the bottom of your feet. It scrapes off all of the dry skin and wears down calluses. The foot shavings are collected inside of the Ped Egg. The commercial shows people rubbing it back and forth across the bottoms of their nasty feet. This is undeniably gross.

But the Peg Egg commercial does not stop there. Then, without warning, the Peg Egg is opened up and a mound of nasty foot dust shavings is dumped into a trashcan. Sick. The quantity of foot dust is atrocious. It will make you want to throw up. I've watched it several times and I still get the chills.

Go ahead and watch the video clip from the Home Shopping Network. (The Ped Egg people have taken down the actual commercial from You Tube.) Let's see if you are as appalled as I was.

How is it physically possible to shave off that much crap from the bottom of just two feet? Who has feet that are this disgusting? Is there a point at which you have to quit the scraping or else your feet will bleed? Will I ever be able to look at white sandy beaches the same? Do pranksters who have cokehead friends switch out baggies of cocaine with the foot shavings from a Ped Egg?

Several people have posted positive reviews about the Ped Egg on their blogs. So, if you or a loved one has janky feet, go ahead and order a Ped Egg or two. Maybe you could see how much foot dust you can accumulate in one foot shaving session and get yourself an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records.

That's right, BUTT cleavage. The infamous "plumber's crack" is everywhere. Thank you, low-rise jeans.

Why have people not realized that when you buy jeans you need to actually sit and bend over when you try them on? Even celebrities who have stylists and personal shoppers have been caught sporting butt cleavage.

The worst part about butt cleavage is that you can't not look. Even if the butt cleavage is partially masked by a thong, that only further catches your eye and provokes you to continue to stare. Years ago Sisqo asked to see it, and girls have responded.

Denim designer Lee Cooper made jeans to showcase the intentional butt cleavage. Men weren't excluded; these jeans were made in styles for both men and women. Adding peek-a-boo cutouts to the back of jeans is ridiculous. But, as with anything, I'm sure someone's bought a pair.

Everybody knows that person. That strange, broken individual who can’t stand sweets - not even his own birthday cake. Meatcakes were practically invented for that person.

Instead of using sprinkles and chocolate and sugar (all the things that make real cakes so delicious), Meatcakes are an abomination – frosted imposters filled with ground beef or turkey. Take a look at this Halloween concoction and ask yourself, “What kind of sick person would do this?”

Catalogs are not cheap to make and distribute, so one would think that only the very best products and photos would make it into a catalog. Apparently, this is not always true. Trees were killed so that households could be exposed to these photos.

The Mitten Blanket

This is such a stupid photo. I would love to watch this lady try to turn the pages of her book while wearing this thing. They could have shown her using a TV remote, snuggling, or just doing nothing. But no, they had to show her doing an activity that is not very easy to do with mittens on. Why not show her typing on her laptop?

The Double Spoon Rest

OK, this product is actually useful, but the design is a little bit...vulgar.

Cubs Win Poster

What a pointless item to buy. Sure, the Cubs may win regular-season games and even some post-season games, but when do they ever win anything significant enough to deserve a commemorative poster? Certainly not since 1908. Ha.

Portable Sauna (creepy guy attempting to be seductive not included)

What nasty little line is about to come out of Sir Sauna's mouth? Why was he told to pose with his grinning face leaning on his arm like that? Does the lady have an icy cocktail that she is delivering to the guy sitting in a hot sauna?