Results tagged “disturbing” from The official blog of Vat19.com

OK, all I can see here is Hannibal Lecter and his equally disturbed adoring fan.

But actually, the intended purpose of the item on this guy's face is not to prevent him from feasting on other humans, but instead to keep him from screwing up his goatee and ultimately having to shave the whole thing off. Hence the name: GoateeSaver.

As a woman, I have no personal experience in this arena, so I really have no idea how hard it is to maintain a goatee. Some fellas with shaky hands may in fact find this product useful. It is expandable, so you can adjust it to fit your style of goatee. But as far as I can tell, the piece doesn't bend to conform to the curves of your face, so if you've got a wider goatee, I'm thinking there's going to be a big ol' gap between the GoateeSaver and your face and therefore room for error.

Ultimately, though, no matter how handy a gadget it may turn out to be, I just can't get over the look of this product. For a shaving helper that's a little less intimidating, check out Vat19's Fogless Shower Mirror.

OK, so I get that this is a joke. And just in case I didn't, the manufacturer posted a nice note on the box: "REAL babies should NEVER smoke! Ceramic babies smoking, on the other hand, are strangely appealing."

Really? To who? Who finds ceramic smoking babies appealing? If I walked into someone's house and found a ceramic smoking baby on their mantel, I'd be freaked out. I mean, that's a pretty twisted sense of humor. It's one thing to just see the ceramic smoking baby and think it's funny, but it's another thing entirely to actually purchase it and then display it in your home or office.

But hey, if this is your thing, far be it from me to deny you the details. The 2-3/4"-tall Smoking Baby comes with 10 "Li'l Smokes", which are actually just unscented incense wrapped in paper.

Is it me, or is "unscented incense" an oxymoron?

I am outraged.

Baby Bangs! HAIR+bands are basically headbands with faux hair attached for babies from 0-9 months. This tot-sized toupee, as the website states, was created "for baby girl's [sic], with little or no hair at all, to enhance their natural beauty." Here is a before-and-after:

Is anyone else ticked off by this? The world already puts enough pressure on young girls to look a certain way; we do NOT need to start "enhancing beauty" before the kid even hits 1! Let them enjoy their lack of hair (and frankly, their freedom) while they can! They have plenty of years ahead full of the hassles of blow-drying, teasing, and highlighting.

As far as I can tell, the main reason this product was created was to spare mothers (and/or fathers) the embarrassment of their baby girl being mistaken for a boy. I have a feeling that any parent that would be seriously annoyed or hurt by this innocent mistake would be the type that dresses their baby in extremely girly outfits, full of pink hearts and purple ruffles, therefore totally eliminating any possibility that the child could be mistaken for a boy in the first place. So, why burden the kid with a hairpiece?

Furthermore, what baby is going to allow this thing to be perched atop her head? I've held and babysat my share of babies, and in my experience, they squirm a lot. No wonder the makers of this product had to use a baby doll to illustrate the six-step process (six steps!) to secure and style the band on your baby's head. I take issue with steps 2, 4, and 6, specifically. Steps 2 and 4 require the use of a rattail comb, and step 6 suggests hairspray. HAIRSPRAY! As I said, babies move a lot. Their heads wobble, and they've got those soft spots that I'm always so paranoid about. I'm not about to go wielding a pointy comb and a can of hairspray around their fragile and still-developing heads.

If you ask me, the only time a Baby Bangs! HAIR+band is appropriate is if it's on top of a Cabbage Patch Doll's head, or mopping your floor.

Bald is beautiful, people, especially on babies. Embrace it!

Ever have trouble finding the right gift for that special guy in your life? Well fear not, because I have the answer for you. Buy him a big ole pair of Manties! No, I'm not kidding. Well, okay, sort of. I found these on a website dedicated to frilly male underwear.

Check it out for yourself. For only $10.95 apiece, your guy can own one of these sexy lil' things.

Now, I get that some men want to wear fashionable underwear in colors other than white, but seriously... these? They're even too feminine for ME to wear, and I'm a GIRL!

But don't fret. If your guy isn't into the frilly, lacy stuff, they still have the moderately male-ish type of underwear. Available in high cut as well!



Manties are available in plain, bows and roses, lace, lace and bows, fancy, embroidered, and day-of-the-week embroidered.

Just imagine him struttin' around looking like this:

Most people who venture into the world of online dating are perfectly happy with something like Match.com or eHarmony (despite the fact the eHarmony is well-known for rejecting people for things like homosexuality or lack of religion). You take 1800 pictures of yourself, choose the two that make you look halfway normal, write a few words about how you like funny people who love life, and you're off.

But what about the people who won't find their matches on Match.com? Although I've never really been on the market during the online dating era, I've certainly enjoyed an evening or two perusing profiles with friends. What I saw was hardly representative of the world as a whole.

Where were the obese, the midgets, and the amputees? What about the inbred cousins looking for cousins, or the guys with one regular arm and one teeny tiny little mutant arm? Or the creepy 65-year-old diaper fetishists with cabins in Everglades and bodies beneath the floorboards? It was truly puzzling.

So puzzling, in fact, that I set out to find the sites that cater to, shall we say, atypical markets. I've detailed my findings below, though I'll warn you now that some of the sites are not safe for work (or your stomach).

Pierced Passions and Tattooed Singles - If you're the type of person who views your body as a canvas, this is the dating site for you.

Best introduction line: Why don't you come back to my place so I can show you my new tatts (or piercing)...

No Longer Lonely - Do you ever wish you could just die? Do you hear voices? Do you ever feel like you just can't get clean enough? No Longer Lonely is the perfect place to find someone equally disturbed. They provide a place for mentally ill people to find their mentally ill partners - and what could possibly go wrong with that?

Best introduction line: Hey baby, what's your medication regimen?